I noticed a flurry of activity next door with mild interest. It's unusual for cars to be driving in and out, especially in the morning. However, since our neighbors split up, there is no such thing as normalcy anymore. I swayed gently and noticed a police car pull into her driveway. The officer got out of his car, the engine still running.
"Hmmm," I said, still chatting on the phone. "I wonder why there's a police car in my neighbor's driveway." It was a simple statement. My heart did not race; there was no adrenaline rush. I was in my place of calm and was able to just observe a simple fact.
We chattered along.
My neighbor began walking up the driveway toward me, and I hung up the phone.
She explained that the man, who had been our intruder a couple of weeks ago, had forced entry into her house during the night. She was shaking and very near tears as she explained all of the details, apologized again for his intrusion in our house, and shared how she felt violated that he had forced his way into her home.
I hugged her.
What a gift! I wasn't afraid. I listened to her, comforted her, and reassured her that we were here if she needed anything. Knowing that these new developments, normally would have sent me over the edge of calm and into the abyss of fear. I didn't go there.
I must explain that I grew up in a house filled with fear that someone would break in at any moment. Looking back, it seems like this was one of my dad's greatest fears. I know that he used to sleep with an ax handle by his bed--just in case. I've heard stories that one night he and my mom were so convinced that there was someone with a gun at the top of the stairs that they called the police. (My sisters and I were sleeping in the rooms upstairs.) The police came, and their investigation revealed that the clothes on the half wall at the top of the stairs were creating the scary shadow. Whew! That was a close one.
Because I was raised to be afraid of whatever goes bump in the night, I learned that the world must not be safe because here's this really big man with a lot of muscles, and he's afraid. If he can't fight the bad guys, then what am I going to do? Sadly, I carried his fears, not knowing that they weren't mine. (Lord knows, I have enough fears of my own!)
That's the gift. I am not afraid to go to sleep tonight. I don't need to keep a vigilant watch over the house and my sons all night. Why do I feel safe in my house at night?
First of all, I trust that angels watch over us. A few years ago, a friend gave me a meditation cd to help me relax before I went to sleep. Part of the meditation was to ask that angels be stationed at the north, east, south, and west of my house. I was also to envision my house in a white protective light. Of course, a few years ago, I was so terrified that I imagined an angel at each door and window--just to be sure. It strikes me as funny now, but it really gave me peace, and I was finally able to sleep without fear. I didn't jump at every bump I heard. Instead, I trusted that we were safe.
Still in a spiritual vein, a friend told me that she imagines filling all of the space as "God-space" whenever she's in a hotel room, office, or house if she feels at all unsafe. I did that every night for many nights. Again, I grew to trust that we are safe. I rested with ease, even when my husband was not home.
I also feel safe in my home because I am more confident in my own physical abilities. Let me clarify that I have no superhero illusions, but I took karate class for about 18 months. I learned self-defense skills and strategies. Those intense classes taught me a bit of self-defense that might make a difference if I were ever in a situation where I needed to physically defend myself. Of course, the first rule is run, but if pressed, I feel more confident that I did before.
So I will sleep peacefully. Yes, the doors are all locked as usual, and tonight we locked the windows downstairs, but it wasn't out of fear. It just seemed like the prudent thing to do. We're trying to make smarter choices so that in an induced stupor, he isn't able to simply waltz into our house because we were careless.
I am happy for this opportunity to be free of my dad's fears. To acknowledge that I will sleep safely at night. Most of all, to be aware of how my trust in the Divine allows me to live with ease. And a sure sign of growth in the last couple of weeks, I didn't scare the heck out of my sons. I simply told them the truth: This man is confused and needs help. We're safe. I hope that I'm able to show them that we really are safe. I choose not to give them the fears that I inherited. Instead, I hope that they will have the inner peace to feel safe wherever they are. I hope that I teach them to trust Divinity, to ask for help when they need it, to be grateful for their blessings, and to choose to live in love. What greater gift could I give them?
Namaste,
L
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