The Real Me

Open a nesting doll,

to find another one inside

with another waiting within

another layer opened

revealing yet another

eager to be freed

until at last

the final layer

reveals the innermost doll

who is whole,

unable to be broken open.

I am a nesting doll.

My outermost shell

is my olive complexion,

my thick, curly hair,

my twinkling dark eyes,

my somewhat crooked nose,

my extra wide size 9 feet.

You see me clearly.

If you search

just a bit beneath

my outermost shell,

you'll find my next layer,

my ever-changing thoughts

of what ifs that race

like well-greased

never-ending roller coasters

whizzing through the land of thoughts

never stopping, never resting,

it's a race of one,

which can never be won

because the race against the self

is a race against the self.

You spin endlessly with me,

and we whirl through

chaotic changes.

This layer is not smaller.

It is much larger than the first

and harder to move through.

If you listen and observe

me very carefully,

you will bump into yet another

layer of an ever-changing sky.

Happy clouds drifting

across the blue sky.

Angry clouds roll in

to darken the sky

threatening to ruin the day.

Sad tears begin to drip

releasing the hurts,

flowing until they run out.

Frustrated thunder booms

as the jealous lightning bolts

strike the earth,

warnings for others

to proceed with caution.

Calm blue skies open

illuminated by the sun's warm rays.

This emotional layer lives so much bigger

there's no downsizing involved

as fast-paced feelings swap places

the calm replaced by the chaos

the chaos suddenly calms into peace.

You close your eyes and hold your breath,

hoping, praying that the storms pass.

This layer hurts and loves and sucks you in,

and you sigh, this layer so much bigger

than you've encountered so far.

Will you stop afraid

that my emotional whirlwind will pull you in

leaving you breathless and not yourself?

Will I stop here terrified

that something so much bigger

lurks even deeper within?

Will I brave going to my core? Will you?

Breathe--in, out, in, out, in, out,

the gentle rhythm lulling me into a deeper layer

Breathe--in, out, in, out, in, out,

I melt into the sweet sound of silence

Breathe--in, out, in, out, in, out,

my heartspace opening, love's waterfall flowing,

Heartbeat--lub, dub, lub, dub, lub, dub,

my spirit peeks out from behind protective walls,

in, out, lub, dub, in, out, lub, dub, in, out, lub, dub,

my spirit emerges, completely free,

in, lub, out, dub, in, lub, out, dub, in, lub, out, dub,

It is here, deep within that I am.

Only love resides here in harmony.

Love reigns. Love grows. Love illuminates.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

You find yourself meeting me,

seeing me, and you are loved.

I marvel.

My life force, so many times greater than my body,

is somehow contained

in my physical being.

My soul dances, sings, giggles, plays, loves.

I simply am. Love is me.