One Blog Ends, Another Blog Begins

 

 

 

                                   This plant has been around since the dinosaurs, literally.

Change. I’m trying to embrace change as I’m attempting to listen to what the Divine guides me to do. However, I must confess that switching from Blogspot to WordPress has truly tested my resistance issues and willingness to change. How ironic that last Sunday’s blog was all about CHANGE OR DIE! Yes, that is exactly how I have felt the past couple of days.

A few days ago, I struggled with my blog at Blogspot, and I clearly knew that I’m supposed to switch blogging sites. I won’t even go into all of the details, but suffice it to say that it has been a struggle. Why? Simply because I was accustomed to how to create my blog. It was comfortable and quick. My new blog has taken hours today.
That said, I know that I’m on the right path, and as my resistance has melted today, I’m very aware that this truly feels right. In a few days, I’ll be thrilled that I’m able to navigate through this new site with ease.

The above plant from the times of the dinosaurs has survived for millions of years, and I believe that is a miracle. For the rest of us, it seems that beyond Love, Trust, and Faith very little survives without accepting and adapting to change. So I embrace change again.

This will be my last post on Blogspot, and my very first post on WordPress.

I am grateful that as one door closes, another door opens.

Namaste,
L

Mother Nature ushers in the changes that comes with the crisp autumn breeze. The leaves are just beginning to change from the shades of summer leaves and grasses to the brilliance of reds, yellows, and oranges. This tree's journey shifts from the warmth and growth of summer into the transitional phase of the fall. Transitioning from the green pallettes to the more vibrant colors entices us to awaken and to treasure the change because we know that the beauty is fleeting.

I listened to my sons tonight as we came home after a busy day of school and night of visiting waterfalls, dinner out, and relaxing trip to Barnes and Noble.

"Come on, Buddy. Let's sleep downstairs tonight."

"Ok, let's bring all of the blankets and pillows down. We'll sleep in your (hunting) blind."

"You take this side. I'll be away from the door because you know I'm afraid."

"Good idea. You sleep in the back, and I'll protect you. We need our DS's but don't tell Mom 'cause she'll confiscate them. Hide them under the pillows."
"Good thinking. We need our books too, in case we can't sleep. We can put those on the pillows. What about my nightlight?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about that. Here's the only place where you can see it. Let's turn the blind."

"So, I was thinking about lightning. If I throw a lightning bolt at you, like this, what are you going to do?"

"Well, I'm going to block it like this, and then I'll bend all of the water at you, and you can't block it because you're too weak and haven't recovered from the the lightning bolt. That takes a lot out of you."

"True. Then I'll have to use hypnosis on you to heal you after the water bending or else you won't be able to fight with me."

And, I listen, aware that they are in a special place of friendship and tweendom. They ooze with excitement that they get to sleep on the floor in the living room, and I feel as though I must relish these moments because they are all too fleeting.

I am grateful to the changing leaves, who reminded me of change. The changes are neither good nor bad. Ask the leaves or the tree how they feel, and I'm sure that there is simply an acceptance of change.

"Yes, my leaves are green. Now, changing into bright leaves. Soon they will fall as I am bare in the winter."

My sons are growing and changing right before my eyes.

Today, I will embrace my sons where they are without lamenting the past as I did the best I could and without worries for tomorrow as I will support them as they grow and change. I choose to be aware of their brilliant beauty in the moment.

Namaste,

L

Change or Die

Our priest has an amazing sense of humor and really tries to bridge the message of the Sunday readings with our lives today. Father John often builds his homilies around "spiritual slogans." This morning, his spiritual slogan:

Change or Die.

If we are not willing to change, then we will spiritually die. He said that change often "comes gift-wrapped in fear," but it is in our willingness to change that allows our minds, bodies, and spirits to truly live in harmony.

Today after church, we set off take pictures from the overlook of Taughannock Falls, the tallest free-fall waterfall (of 215 feet) in the northeastern US.

As we got back into the car, I noticed a sign that must be fairly new; it was new to me:

Taughannock Falls

a sculpture in stone

shaped by water

using frost and floods as tools

Taughannock Falls has chiseled its canyon

for at least 12,000 years.

12,000 years of change?! I'm sure that there are photographs to document the physical changes in the last several decades, and it's simply gorge-ous, despite those changes--or perhaps because of those changes.

Change. Yes, I have changed a lot in the past several years.

Losing my father after a long illness changed me. I was suddenly free from criticism, except my own, and I learned, "Love is all that really matters in the end." (I said that a lot after he died, and perhaps while he was dying.)

Becoming "Mrs. Laura Stephens" changed me. I was no longer a "Clair girl" in some ways, and of course, in other ways I would always be a "Clair girl" as I chose. I also wore wedding bands with a life-long promise to Richard, and suddenly, I was expected to play the role of "wife," a less egalitarian role than fiancee.

Becoming a mom changed me in more ways than I could even try to simplify here, but perhaps one the greatest changes in me was my overwhelming desire to be a better person so that I'd be a better role model for Petey and DannyBoy. Circumstances changed. I changed. Sometimes the process was painful, other times more graceful, but frequently "gift-wrapped" in fear.

Then I began a new phase of my journey in this lifetime. A journey where I made a commitment to change not because of a specific set of circumstances, but because I was slowly dying inside, and it was time to live again. I began to look at myself, and honestly, it wasn't pretty. If I had any doubts of where I was, I only needed to look at the mirrors that my children presented me. Anger. Fear. Irrational. Explosive. Loud. Know-it-all. Confused. Unworthy. Alone in a world of billions. This would be a tragic tale if I had stayed there, but I didn't.

Because of my sons, I faced a lot of my fears, accepted responsibility for the mistakes that I had made, struggled to release old patterns, and worked to forgive myself for the hurts that I caused. I am grateful to have had such support and mentors along the way. I have re-claimed my identity as "Laurie" and have found myself along the way. (I didn't even have to go to Paris or Italy or India or Bali or anywhere exotic!) I simply had to learn to stop and be with myself, which for some reason terrified me. (It really is a mind-boggling oxymoron. Maybe that's proof enough that it's true.)

I'm so happy that I have unwrapped the fear, which once paralyzed me. Change is a gift now that requires no wrapping for I am aware of the tiny sadness in releasing the past patterns as well as the joy of embracing the future adventures. May I give this gift of life to my sons.

Laurie

a sculpture in flesh

shaped by life

using integrity and trust as tools

Divinity has chiseled my spirit

for as long as it takes

to embrace the Love and the Light.

Namaste,

L

Messages From Above

 As I was driving down my half mile driveway, I looked up and saw this amazing white disk brilliant in the sky. I smiled, happy to see the setting moon greet me this morning. It seems as though I was given a message.

The moon descends as the end of night approaches. An ending. It is not a time of mourning nor a time of fear nor of resistance. The night will end. The day will begin. Darkness will give way to light. It is a simple acceptance.  

Then I drove almost a mile to school. I looked out my colleague's window. I was in awe of the gorgeous sun rising in the eastern sky over the village of Trumansburg. The tiny black dots in the sky are seagulls; these flocks dotted the sky. My smile grew. I was honored to witness the sun rising. It isn't news. But, today, I was able to witness the morning miracle. I snapped two shots in succession of the sun rising a bit more in the bottom picture. I received another message.

The moon delivered the message of endings; the rising sun delivered the message of beginnings.

My colleague looked out of his window a bit reluctantly and pointed out that the brilliant morning sky was a sure sign of bad weather to come. I nodded to indicate that I heard his words, but inside I shook my head and thought, "This is magnificent. It's going to be a gorgeous day. If the predicted storms arrive, then so be it, but right now, I am in awe. My heart is full."

Of course storms will cross my path at some point for that is part of the cycle. But, I needn't fear them. Right now, I can enjoy the beauty of this moment.

Late this afternoon, I went for a walk with a friend. I must confess that I hadn't taken a moment to notice the sky again during the day. Until the moment where the thought passed through my mind, "I thought it was supposed to storm today." Then I gazed up into the sky and smiled at the ever-changing cloud formations.  

What a gift! It had been a beautiful, sunny day. Some storm clouds were starting to move in as puffs of clouds swirled high above. Yes, change is always happening. Endings are inevitable and carry a beauty of their own. The brilliance of beginnings takes our breath away in the moment. They too give way to a beauty of the day--all too easy to miss if we keep our heads always down.

In the now, we are surrounded by miracles in the messages from above.

Namaste,

L

Rainbow Promises Change

Picture Credit: Microsoft Word clipart

While swimming in the lake training for the Hospicare fundraiser Women Swimmin' this afternoon, the weather danced while I swam my laps.

The clouds were thick fluffy pillows in spots, blanketing the sky from the brilliant sunshine. Heavy with water droplets, they shed a misty dusting upon the already damp earth. Then those laden clouds parted ever so slightly, and the sun's rays peeked through, poking at my eyelids as I swam the backstroke. The burden was too great to carry, and so heavens opened up and poured down the nourishing, cleansing rain. Again the sun played peek-a-boo.

I love swimming in the rain, and as I switched to the side stroke, I searched the skies for a rainbow--the promise of an ending and a beginning. I felt like an owl, twisting my head all around certain that I'd see a rainbow. Sighing, I accepted that yet again we had a heavy rain with partial sunlight, but still no rainbow. Perhaps my slight frustration gave me the extra oomph to swim a couple of extra laps while the lifeguards a huddled under a sun umbrella.

In my sailing class tonight, I was supposed to be steering the sailboat (a 420) on the lake. I did point us in the required direction, but through the raindrops, I glanced up, forgetting that I needed to be mindful of the other boats.

"A rainbow! A rainbow! Look there's a whole rainbow!" It was magnificent. It began and ended in the lake.

"Laurie, watch where you're steering!" Clunk. We hit the boat next to us, and I hastily apologized.

Then we joked about diving in the water to search for the pot of gold. The big questions: Would there be two pots of gold or one? And if there was one, then which end would have it?

Uh oh! Another collision. Ouch! It was a very mild wind, so no damage was done to either boat, but some of the people in the class were a bit shaken. I decided to really focus on the boat, only snatching glimpses of the rainbow that I'd been pining for the last few days.

Then when it was my turn in the motor boat (quite a civilized way to be on the lake!), I glanced back up at the sky and announced exuberantly, "Another rainbow! It's just part, but look!" Thank goodness I wasn't driving the motorboat. I sat and sighed, fully content. I didn't need a pot of gold; at that moment, I was at complete peace, grateful that my wish had been granted.

When the motorboat picked up speed as we raced between boats offering suggestions, I witnessed many tiny rainbows in the misty wake of the boat.

Silence.

These little rainbows were simply for my eyes.

Gratified, I smiled, looked up at the heavens, and mouthed my thanks.

Those rainbows were worth the waiting and searching. I asked and received. What an abundance of rainbows I had tonight!

Reflecting upon the message of rainbows, I ponder what endings and beginnings are on the horizon...
the end of training for the mile swim across the lake
the beginning of my 18th school year as a teacher
the end of my 41st year of life
the beginning of another sailing class
the beginning of my first blog

I can not imagine what other endings and beginnings Divinity has in store for me, but as the gentle wind was ever-changing (a fluky wind), I embrace change, complete with all of its endings and beginnings.

Namaste.

L